Have you ever wanted to write your favorite Monkee about a pressing problem, or just gush to him about how much you love him? (If you really want to, there are addresses on the contact page.) Well, here's your chance! Fill out the form with your message to a Monkee and receive a reply on this page!*

Please note that the Monkees are busy people and should your Monkee of choice not be available to answer, another Monkee may answer instead.

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Dear Michael,

Your eyes are like cupcakes, floating in a sea of sour cream.

Love, Allison

Dear Allison,

Um, thanks for your support. Please to visit Videoranch and buy my albums.

Love,

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Dear Davy,

On behalf of Monkees fans everywhere, I demand an explanation and/or apology for "The Day We Fall In Love."

Love, Christina L.

Dear Christina L.,

What's wrong with "The Day We Fall In Love"? I think it's a fine little tune. I got laid more from that song than any other.

Peacing out,

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Dear Michael & Peter,

Why don't you love us?

Love, The Beatlettes

Dear Beatlettes,

But we do. The real question is, why don't you love us? We've discussed it, and we feel like you two could be showing your love a whole lot more. Yes, the fansite. Yes, the hours of discussion about our hair and voices. But where are all the creepy, inappropriate gifts? Where are the emails and letters? Beth, why haven't you painted your van over with images of Peter and followed him on the road? Allison, why haven't you erected a shanty outside of Videoranch and camped out there for weeks on end? We're a little disappointed in you two. Step it up, or we're going to find new #1 fans.

Love and Kisses,

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Dear Micky,

I'd like to ask two questions, O favorite Monkee of mine.
1) What do you think is your best feature?
2) Describe the weirdest gift a fan has ever given you.

Love, Christina L.

Dear Christina L.,

I have two answers for you, O biggest fan of mine.

1) My best feature is my badassity. It's really helped me out a lot in life. Also, my hair. Ponytails on men are badass.

2) The weirdest give I ever received from a fan was an empty specimen cup with instructions to give them a sample so they could have my baby. The weirdest part of it was that it was a guy who sent it!

Thanks for the question, and thanks for choosing me as your favorite Monkee. Have a good week.

Love,

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Dear Mike,

Why can't you take your head out of your ass and just reunite with the Monkees ONE last time before any of you die?? You only have a select few years left for crying out loud!

Love, Christine

Dear Christine,

Mike is kind of busy with the Council right now, so I'll have to answer this one for him.

The reason Mike keeps head planted firmly up ass, and won't reunite with the rest of us, is because he doesn't love us -- he never did, and he never will. Obviously, we're all pretty torn up about it, and have trouble discussing it without bursting into tears or lengthy, incoherent diatribes. Therefore, I'm going to stop now before I get myself in a tizzy.

Love,

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*DISCLAIMER: Obviously, this is for entertainment only and not the real Monkees. Only an idiot would think it is and idiots are not welcomed here. Be gone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!