Some of the most frequently asked questions about the Monkees.

QUESTION: Aren't all the Monkees dead?
ANSWER: Yes.

QUESTION: Did Michael Nesmith stick his P in Winona Ryder's V in the late 80s/early 90s?
ANSWER: Quite possibly. Lucky bitch.

QUESTION: Is it true Peter got some girl knocked up before The Monkees happened and he has a secret lovechild somewhere?
ANSWER: No. At least not in that instance. You see, Peter has this problem. How do we explain it? Well, did you ever see that episode of The X-FIles where those Amish-esque people could make you have sex with them by stroking your palm with their thumb? It's like that. Except in his case, the "thumb" is his guitar, and your "palm" is your ears. Most musicians have this. Doctors call it "Panty Dropper Syndrome." Statisticians estimate that any given musician will have at least one lovechild somewhere in the world as a direct result of PDS; the number goes up with the amount of popularity you've gained. We're not professionals, but our estimation comes out at about six dozen. And not to put anyone on the spot, but we're two of them. Daddy! We miss you!

QUESTION: Is Peter really as idiotic as his character on television?
ANSWER: Although we're dying to make some really rude remarks here for our own amusement, we'll answer this one straight. No, no he's not. Considering his character is borderline mentally retarded, he'd have a hard time functioning in life if he were.

QUESTION: Did The Monkees play their own instruments?
ANSWER: *Bad masturbation joke deleted by censors*....so we'd say yes and no. And, you know, they did play their own instruments on Headquarters and Justus, so we guess so.

QUESTION: How short is Davy?
ANSWER: Shorter than you. We're guessing.

QUESTION: How come Micky's supposed naturally curly hair no longer seems naturally curly as he's gotten older?
ANSWER: Um...Jesus, good question! Why is that? You thinkin' hair transplants? Wig? Product? Wow...

QUESTION: If The Monkees were Peanuts characters, who would be which character?
ANSWER: We can't even express how much we love this question. Mike would be Lucy, because she's a domineering bitch with bad hair (Yet another Allison Edit: MIKE'S HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL. Obviously, Beth just likes to take multiple massive dumps on my heart.). Micky would be Snoopy, because...well, can't you just see it? Davy would be Charlie Brown, just because he'd have to be the lead. Peter would be Schroeder, because he's a blond pianist, and he also has some major love/hate issues with Lucy. I mean, Schroeder talks crap about her, but he lets Lucy lean up on his piano all the time. WTF is that? Tell her to eff off if you hate her so much.