Although we feel that all The Monkees' are d-bags in their own special way, we're kind of curious to see how you guys feel. Which Monkee do you think is the most upstanding guy, i.e. the least douchee? Peruse some examples of their amazing douchebaggery, and then vote for which Monkee you think is the best of the worst.

P.S. Um, obviously...a joke. If you bothered to read the rest of the section before going off to shoot us a rampaging email, you'd realize this. But, since most people read a title and/or intro and make snap judgements, we felt it necessary to warn you that this whole section is totally ridiculous and pointless (as are most sections on this site), and only meant as a joke. In fact, you could call this a parody of other sites that feel the need to dissect every word and action The Monkees say and make judgements about them as people. So, nyah. How do you feel now, asshat?

Not Douchee:
Mike: His music pwns you.
Micky: He's effing hilarious in the DDB commentary.
Davy: He's really nice to his fans.
Peter: He smells good.

Douchee:
Mike: He won't sign autographs fo' free.
Micky: He wore a mantail. *shudders*
Davy: M.U.L.L.E.T.
Peter: The whole hippie thing. Most people who were hippies in the 60s are douchebags now (except Jerry Garcia, and that's only because he's dead R.I.P.).

Not Douchee:
Mike: Invented MTV (or rather, MTV as it was originally intended. He didn't invent its current bullshit form).
Micky: Directed episodes of one of the greatest family TV shows EVER (Boy Meets World).
Davy: Guest-starred adorably on The Brady Bunch in the 70s.
Peter: Is an amazing pianist. WTF man.

Douchee:
Mike: Take off the neckerchief, you're not a train conductor.
Micky: No more Spock/Vulcan comparisons. Please.
Davy: Stop referring to songwriters as "THE Carol Kings, Neil Sedakas...blahblahblah Marks & Spencers." We get it. Stable of songwriters. *stabs self in eye*
Peter: There's no way he can always smell good. We're going to hold that against him.

Not Douchee:
Mike: We appreciate someone who can drop the F-bomb so beautifully.
Micky: His valiant attempt at drumming on Headquarters. Where was Rock Band when you needed it?
Davy: We think Davy has a good outlook on The Monkees, and that is certainly refreshing considering the alternatives.
Peter: He writes an advice column now. Helping people to help themselves...there's nothing douchee about that.

Douchee:
Mike: Won't return our calls.
Micky: Ditto.
Davy: Ditto.
Peter: Ditto.

Not Douchee:
Mike: Returning our calls certainly wouldn't be douchee.
Micky: Ditto.
Davy: Ditto.
Peter: Ditto.

Douchee:
Mike: Cease and desist letters aren't very nice...
Micky: Neither is a follow up C&D...
Davy: Or sending muscle to scare us into deleting this site...
Peter: Ow! That hurt! What the hell, dude?! We're just trying to make a fansite! Lay off!...

Not Douchee:
Mike: Sending us flowers at the hospital...
Micky: because your hoodlums beat us up...
Davy: the balloons were a nice touch...
Peter: you're lucky we didn't sue.

Douchee:
Mike: Still won't return our calls.
Micky: Ditto.
Davy: Ditto.
Peter: Ditto.

Not Douchee:
Mike: He's trying to solve the world's problems. He's like a superhero.
Micky: Did a Broadway show (and nailed that shit, from what we've heard).
Davy: Horseracing is awesome. Horses are awesome. Win.
Peter: His band kills it, dude. We were impressed, and we're very rarely impressed with anything.

Douchee:
Mike: We haven't met him. We'll automatically assume anyone we haven't met is a douche.
Micky: Beth hasn't met him, and while she doesn't want to believe he's a douche, our philosophy on life (see previous) states that she must.
Davy: We haven't met him. (See Mike)
Peter: Allison met him. Beth just took the picture. That doesn't count. Therefore, douche. Ha. We're such jackasses.

Not Douchee:
Mike: Allison got a free autograph.
Micky: Was supernice to Allison at a concert.
Davy: Patted Beth on the head at a concert. Don't touch me.
Peter: Beth received a free, unasked-for autograph out of nowhere in the mail. How the hell did the people that forge his signature onto photos for him get her address?

Okay, so send along the name of the Least Douchee Monkee, and we'll post the results whenever we feel like it when we've gotten a significant response!