Daydream Believers: The Monkees Story originally aired in 2000 on VH1 as a television special. Before VH1 became known as the makers of the best celebrity reality TV, they were considered the "old people" version of MTV. They specialized in creating programming centered around classic rock and pop music and musicians. You'd think with that kind of reputation for musical research and presentation, they'd be able to produce an accurate telling of The Monkees' history. All of the members of the band are still alive and none of them have been institutionalized, so even if they found it difficult to dig up any written works about them, they could get information directly from the source. Considering how unique, dramatic, and almost unbelievable their story is, a really fascinating retelling could have resulted in their efforts.

However, VH1, in their infinite lack of wisdom, chose instead to create a film based entirely around stereotype, legend, myth, and (so it seems) articles from back issues of Tiger Beat magazine. Where and from whom they got their information is beyond us, but their research department ought to be fired. The film has an embarassing lack of factual basis, and it plays out like a really boring Monkees episode.

We here at TBMH, although lacking the testicular fortitude to attempt a full review of the film, felt the need to address a few of the finer points. We won't tell you not to see the film (Editor's Note: Don't see it. Really.), but we feel it's our duty, both as fellow fans of The Monkees and as people with the ability and power to share information, to attempt to prepare you for the smoking dump heap that is Daydream Believers: The Monkees Story should you choose to torture yourself in such a fashion.

About The Actors
We feel the need to add a quick explanation about some of the things we're about to say. We have absolutely nothing against the actors who portray The Monkees. We understand they were given a script and direction, and they are not at fault for how terribly their characters are portrayed. This isn't an attack on their skill as actors. We blame all of this on VH-1 and the brilliant minds they hired to create this crap. Please don't think we're trying to rip these poor actors' a new asshole just because they were hired into a project they really had no previous knowledge about. Our beef is with the idiots who had them play the characters in this way. Anyway...

Davy Jones
· The actor who plays Davy, God bless him, isn't British, and his accent is spotty.
· He's not short enough. We admit it's probably difficult to find people that short who resemble Davy, but their attempts to mask it are laughable. It's apparent very quickly that the guy's not 5' 3".
· We've heard that Davy was a conceited little twat at times, but was it necessary to make him act like that all the time?
· Real Davy has a sense of humor, this Davy didn't seem to understand the concept.
· We know this is nitpicking, but this Davy didn't look young enough. Real Davy looked about twelve when they started filming.


Micky Dolenz
· He was wayyy too zany, and it seemed to be unnecessarily forced into scenes, like "Hey, I'm Micky, and I'm craaaaaazy!".
· How expensive can it be to get a straight-haired wig? The afro annoyed the shit out of us.
· We feel like Real Micky wasn't that much of a tool. But we could be wrong.
· He's about 50 lbs. too heavy. Real Micky was a G.D. twig.
· "Micky" must really like that ONE FUCKING TWO-TONED SHIRT

Peter Tork
· Hate hate hate hate hate hate...
· Why not just stamp 'ZEN' on his forehead? That would save time trying to stamp into the viewer's brain the idea that Peter Liked Zen Shit.
· We get it. Peter was a hippie. MOVING ON...
· The actor's got The Gayface.
· Why is he such a puss in this? Crying because he punched Davy in the face? Really? The sumbitch deserved it, why is he crying?
· Oh we get it, because Peter Likes Zen Shit. Punching short, British a-holes is Not Zen.
· P.S. We're pretty sure Peter didn't cry like a schoolgirl when this happened.
· Okay, forget Pastor Mike.. it's Pastor Peter all the way
· Hate hate hate hate hate hate...
· We're sure this young man is a fine actor, and does a great job in other things, but they totally had him play a walking vagee in this film.


Mike Nesmith
· Actor = not really Southern. Shocking, we know. The accent comes and goes. We don't think he had any control over it.
· They didn't make Mike's hair awful enough. In real life, it was much worse. (Allison edit: Mike's hair is sexy and beautiful and amazing. Beth can suck it for this one! I think Geddis' hair looks like it's made out of hot fudge.)
· We suppose he could have just carried around a sign that said, "I'm an arrogant, rude, selfish asshole," but then where would the film have to go?
· Again, too fat. Mike didn't even have a skeletal structure; he was just a bamboo stick with a woolhat on top.
· Jeff Geddis likes to do the "oh snap!" motions with his hands. A WHOLE LOT.
· Despite what we said a second ago, we feel that he wasn't douchy enough during the Douchbag Mike scenes. He was too nice. We feel like when Mike wanted to be a dick, he was a D.I.C.K.
· What's he doing going to the hospital? We thought hospitals were the devil to his people.
· What size shirts did they buy for this guy anyway? XXXL?
· Show me photographic evidence of Nez EVER playing a Gretch Country Gentleman that was the same color as fucking George Harrison's. Good God.
· Can he not even quote the best line in Fairy Tale correctly? "Harold, I want this carriage out of the mud!" WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT.
· Sidenote: kinda hot. Just sayin'.

Factual Errors
They're everywhere. You will be embarassed and unable to watch, we promise. It would make a fun drinking game -- one shot for every factual inaccuracy. You'd be drunk within the first ten minutes (which, honestly, would probably help you get through the rest of the film a lot easier).


The Ending
We don't want to spoil the ending for you, but we're going to anyway. Trust us, we're doing you a favor. It has a happy, sunshiny ending. No kidding. They all come to terms with their initial hang-ups, and the film ends with them dancing on a beach. Seriously. Don't you just wish you were dead? We know we did. It took a whole lotta Vicodin to help us come to terms with our hang-ups about this film, and our story didn't end with a dance in the park, either, let me tell you.

In Conclusion
WTF is this supposed to be?! We will roundhouse kick anyone in the face that tells us this was in any way a good idea. We could make a better Monkee film using a webcam and some bobble heads. Jesus.

The End
Thank God.

P.S.
If you want to make the film watchable, get it on DVD. Micky does an hilarious and awesome commentary that makes this crap pile tolerable to sit through. Just a thought.